Just a little note for you guys before you start to read… this isn’t your regularly scheduled home decor or DIY post today! We have started so many journeys since I started blogging and sharing our life and home with you on Instagram. From attempting to make our apartment homey, to renovating our 1950’s ranch, to getting our sweet puppy Sadie, I have shared so many moments of happiness with you all. Last week, I decided to come out of my little box and share with everyone a little of what’s been going on through my Instagram post. We have started our journey of fertility treatments after years of infertility.
I know what some of you are thinking. Wondering why I would post something so personal and share something so deep and secretive about my life. Well my friends, I share this with you all today and in the future, because I know there are many others who are feeling my pain or have felt my pain. I was feeling very embarrassed before letting this secret out. I would post on social media like everything was all fine and dandy, when in reality there were days I didn’t even want to talk to anyone and I wanted stay in my bed all day. I don’t want to lie to anyone. I want to be my true genuine self to everyone, including my followers, readers, friends, family, strangers, etc. If I’m having a crappy day, I want to be able to come online and tell you all about my crappy day and not be judged for it. Because we all have crappy days and issues in our lives.
At the end of the day, we all have our problems, big or small. I still can’t believe the outpouring love and support I received last week from everyone when I posted about our story on Instagram. Hundreds of comments, thousands of likes, and plentiful of messages. I felt God weighing heavily on me to share our story for a reason, and when I received all of that love, I knew it was Him reassuring me. He wants me to let other infertile women know that none of us are alone. I will not lie to you. I want to talk about the positives, negatives, ups, and downs of what we are going through. Some days I still feel more lonely than ever, but now I am aware there are many women I can talk to and also tons of communities of women who are riding the same rollercoaster.
I wanted to talk a bit about what happened before we got to this point. Anthony and I were married in 2011 and I was 19, so even though first comes love, then comes marriage, there were no littles in the baby carriage for us just yet. Since we started dating in high school, we have always talked about having a family. We knew the time would come eventually, but in the mean time I stayed on birth control just to be safe as we were still so young. Anthony was in the Army and returned from Cuba in 2014, and at this point we had decided to not prevent any children and see where life took us. I can’t tell you how many times my period was late and I took a pregnancy test, only for it to be negative and a very sad, defeating moment for me (every single time). As more and more pregnancy announcements popped up on my news feed and people would send out baby shower invites, I found myself becoming bitter. I would ponder what was wrong with me and why we couldn’t have a baby. Every terrible thought ran through my mind and caused a lot of emotional stress. People kept telling me to stop stressing it so much and it would happen on it’s own. If only it were that easy!
Fast forward to January 2016 and we decided to reach out to my ob-gyn to get some tests done. After test results came back, she said there was nothing wrong with either of us per se, but since we were trying for a few years, she recommended us to a fertility specialist. So, we set up an appointment and then a few weeks before my appointment I received an email explaining that my insurance wouldn’t cover any treatments at all. Man, that was a really sad moment for us. It was like giving candy to a baby and then ripping it out of their hands before they get the first lick of the lollipop. I took it as a sign from God to just focus on ourselves and our home, and I had to trust in Him and His plan.
On Christmas Eve 2016, I was 3 weeks late when the ever-dreadful period decided to show up and say hello. Talk about a punch in the face. I remember curling up into a ball on my bathroom floor and just sobbing like a baby. I hit my breaking point. I was officially broken and out of hope trying to conceive on our own. Low and behold, January of 2017, one full year later after receiving the news about the insurance coverage. Anthony scored an awesome job as a fire fighter on our city fire department. This means we are finally able to grab another insurance plan! I thank God that our new plan is mandated to cover treatments because we live in Massachusetts. We serve a good, good God my friends. So far this year, we have met with the fertility specialist and many other doctors, and we have a plan in place. In a week we each have a medical test & procedure, then in two weeks we will meet with the fertility doctor again. At this point we will get an exact plan and sign our consent forms to move forward. All I know is that we will be doing IVF treatments. For those that aren’t familiar with IVF, it is when the eggs and sperm are retrieved and grown in a lab. Once they become fertilized (embryos), the embryos get transferred to my uterus where hopefully at least one will catch and become a little Melito! However, there is a chance this procedure might not work the first time.
I can’t wait to be a mom. I can’t wait to watch Anthony play ball in the backyard with our son or take our daughter to a father-daughter dance. I am already a whirlwind of emotions, and I can only imagine what will happen from here on out. I am really just trying to take it day by day and just breathe. I have been more than happy to talk to anyone else who has gone through or is going through an infertility journey. It is hard for people to understand when they haven’t gone through something like this before, or aren’t familiar with it. Many people I’ve spoken to have been very supportive, but it seems like a lot of people do not know the words to say. And that’s fine. I’m not expecting everyone to understand exactly what we are doing. I hope that none of you think I posted this for people to feel bad for us, I want you to please pray for us during this time! I will continue to share our journey with you guys through my blog and social media, so make sure you are following me on Instagram or friend me on Facebook to stay up to date.
Thanks again for all of your support friends, from the beginning until now. I love you all!